Go into the light

I always liked things around horoscope, angels, witchcraft, tarot and palm reading and all the others things that can “predict” the future. Even though I like this type of non-science stuff, I have to say that I don’t let this rule my life or the way I live. Being a daughter of a psychologist, I was raised learning that there is an explanation for everything!

I remember when I was around 15, me and my sisters went to a tarot reader. I was very excited as it would be my first time with a “professional”. She told me that I would have sight problems (which turned out to be true) and that I’d travel a lot! At that time, I already had my dream of living abroad and travel around the world so I couldn’t be happier with the future that was about to come!

She told me that I would travel to all the places I wanted, that I would study communication and that I would marry a man with very white skin. I’d be happy with him and would have 3 children…

I left the place very happy because she told me things I wanted to hear. But the truth is that they don’t tell you the bad things you will have to go through. They don’t tell you about the heartbreaks you will have in life, the disappointments, the betrayals… They don’t tell you that one day you will have to learn to forgive, to forget, to go through your own judgments and principles. No, astrology can’t prepare or teach you on how to deal with the bumps along the road.

Astrology gives you the far far away future but to be happily ever after you need to be racional, you need to know who you are and what you want. Even though my mom has always told me that things are logical and there is a scientific reason for everything, I wish she would also have prepared me to understand why few things have happened me, the way they did. I wish she would have told me that one day I’d doubt myself, my intelligence and my judgments.

No, no one teaches or prepares you for that. This is something that just happens and you are the only one that can deal with it! No one can help you, no one can tell you what’s right or wrong, no one can teach you how to get over it, how to forget, how to forgive. Few things are not about being writing in the stars or being logical… is about feelings.

Adam Levine sings “it’s not always rainbows and butterflies, it’s compromise that moves us along”. Even though I love this quote, I wonder: but what if compromise is being compromised? What if you are looking at the stars on your own? What if logical is always right? What if emotional is just momentary? What if regret will come back to torment you?

Why can no one talk about the ifs in our lives? Why is there no science for ifs? I wish they could show us the two options we have, clear and out loud so we could make a choice. This choice would then be based in logic and all the other crap would be out of the picture. Simple as that!

If is just a future that will never happen and a past that never existed. If is a present that you have to deal with everyday, battling with in your own head trying to accept and understand the choice you made. If is that heavy thing that keeps coming to your head when you are alone with yourself, making you ask all those questions again without having an answer to them. If is not a friend and is not an enemy. If is a ghost that follows you around. People say that ghosts stay between us when they have unfinished business so, it’s up to you to show this ghost the light and set yourself free!

Maybe my ghost’s light is the one that comes from the star up in the sky… the same one that told me that in the end, I will be happily ever after.

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