Present meets Past

I was always the kind of person who made plans, wrote diaries, made new year’s resolution lists… I have always been a daydreamer. My imagination is very creative and I can spend hours, days, elaborating a plan… no matter what this plan is.

I used to drive my mom crazy because I always wanted to try something different, all the time. I studied dance, modeling, swimming, capoeira – and other things that I don’t even remember – for probably 6 months (max!) before claiming that I didn’t like it and that was the end of it! Well, in my defense, at least I tried everything and could say “no, that’s not for me” so I could get over with and move on!

I wanted to be a veterinary (because I love dogs), a photographer, a flight attendant, a retailer, a pop star’s dancer and the list can go on and on. But after all the nonsense, I knew that I’d be a journalist. I wrote this before, in my first post. As you may also remember, I said that I wanted to master a foreign language one day – English in particular.

My aunt lives in California for almost 30 years now and my cousins were, of course, born there. I remember when they used to come to Brazil for summer holidays. It was so cool! I used love to listen to them speaking English and my aunt always used to bring us some damn cool toys and other American stuff. Because of her, I had this dream to live abroad and speak English.

I grew up in a small town, in the middle of nowhere and let’s just say that I didn’t have a very happy adolescence. Yes, it was great to grow up there whilst a child! I had a lot of freedom and contact to a different side of Brazil, which taught me a lot of things! But overall, I don’t feel much of a connection to the place.

When I was 18 year old I moved to the South of Brazil to study Journalism. I remember dreaming about being a famous Journalist. I would be that kind of Journalist that we used to talk about it in class. I would travel the world, would speak English fluently and would live an amazing life!

Well, this dream lasted 4 years! In reality, once I graduated and worked as a Journalist for 6 months, I was completely heartbroken! The true reality was tough and nothing as I had planned! In Brazil, being a Journalist it is not easy! Basically, anyone can be a Journalist, no matter if you studies for 4 years or not. A bit unfair, don’t you think? I do!

It was May of 2006 when me and two other friends had the idea of living abroad for 1 year! I always wanted this and couldn’t believe that the opportunity was there to grab! I talked to my parents and was surprised when they said “yes, we can talk about it”. Over the months my friend’s lives went to a different direction and I found myself on my own. Should I stay in Brazil and decide what to do for living or should I keep planning? You know the answer.

I still can’t get over the fact that I actually have a career and everything I’ve learned was not in my native language. When I’m writing an email or speaking on the phone at work the silly thought of “wow, I’m speaking English” still comes to my head. I don’t even know what the percentage of Portuguese I speak every day is anymore… Maybe 20%?

My life had a 360 degrees change! The 12 year old me, would never believe where she would be and what she would accomplished by the age of (almost) 30! I still like to remember the things I used to think when I was younger. In a way, I can say that I managed to keep true to myself but man, I have changed so much!

All the years I spent on my bedroom writing, listen to music, reading, crying, thinking, planning have definitely paid off! Having a boring and quite lonely adolescence made me keep the focus in what I wanted! Made me believe that I could have more.

What if we could travel to the past? I’d love to meet myself! And what if when I was 15 year old I met the 29 year old me? She would have told me that everything would be fine and that all that sad teenager years would mean nothing to me because the adult version of myself would be everything I always wanted!

Be proud of yourself Suryane! You really did it, and you are still doing it!


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